Forward:
Have you ever taken a step?
The moment I asked this question, two options could have flooded your mind.
Now, you can connect it to the metaphorical, in which you embark on a journey, make a decision, or accomplish the first part of a goal.
Or your mind may have referred to the physical act of moving towards something.
As you read on, you will hear me say that I took a step towards God. When I say that, I mean I took a step towards having a literal relationship with my Creator. Not hearsay from others, not just belief that He could exist, I mean, taking action.
However, this also means all of what I mentioned above. Just as you get closer to a friend, I started to live my life with Him; Inviting Him into the big and the small moments. I decided to follow him wherever he leads me, which meant that I chose him above all else, Believing him when He said that He loved me and that He could give me not just eternal life, but also new life in the present.
God, please let them understand the depth of what I am trying to say. Give them ears to hear what you want them to hear. You are the one who touches the heart.
Let me preface this by saying that there are a million words I could use to describe what the Lord has done for me and who He is. At face value, you can understand what I am talking about. However, you could also miss the depth of the message I am trying to convey. And worse yet, miss what God is trying to speak to you about.
If a certain part sticks with you or is highlighted to you, sit on it.
That is why I ask that when you are reading this, if a certain part sticks with you or is highlighted to you, sit on it. Don’t rush. Think about it. There’s a reason. Sometimes, it is when we finally ask the right questions that we get the answers we need.
I remember what my life was like before I met the Lord. At times, I was filled with burning questions; at others, I was apathetic towards God and life. There were moments when, on the surface, I should have felt happy because of my circumstances, but instead, I felt empty.
At first, I thought it was because I didn’t have a romantic partner. That I was lonely.
I believed that I would finally feel my worth if I had someone who would look at me and see someone desirable.
Meanwhile, during this time, I was entrenched in church life, while feeling rejected within it. I had already left a youth group when I was 12 because I felt like others were experiencing something that I just…. couldn’t. They would talk of how God would speak to them, how they felt His presence.
They spoke differently. Acted differently.
However, it was as if I could not reach the source that they so freely talked about. There was a glass wall that I could see through but not reach across. I was consumed by comparison. I didn’t belong. I left so that I would stop being confronted by my lack.
Fast forward to fifteen.
By this time, I was consumed by the desire to feel wanted and loved. I had stumbled upon a book with pornographic content, and before I knew it, my life was consumed by it. Because I grew up in a religious household, I knew that, according to God, it was sinful. But I couldn’t stop it. It was one of the only things that made me feel. That decision started to leak into other parts of my life. I became secretive. I started cursing because I felt like it was the only thing that helped me release the anger in my life. I started to cheat in my schooling because I lost faith in my abilities, and I would rather fill my time with distractions so I would not have to face all of the emotions that I felt. Above all? I was still lonely.
Then I did something unexpected.
I went on a mission trip.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You are right; initially, I did not have the right motivation.
For years, I watched my brother go on mission trips and be impacted by his time there, while I was too young to participate. This initial comparison is what brought me to Guatemala and Belize on a mission trip. At the time, I chose not to register the reason why one went on a mission trip; and instead focused on the act of going on the trip itself.
I didn’t realize that the knowledge of Jesus wasn’t supposed to be just an add-on to your life; it was supposed to shift your very perception of what life is.
My motivations were not the same, and at the core, I didn’t understand anything but the surface reasons why someone goes on a mission trip. Reasons such as encountering new cultures, helping those in need, and experiencing a new adventure were at the forefront of my mind, while spreading the news about Jesus was just a good add-on. That is how I treated religion. I believed that the knowledge of Jesus was just something that brought peace of mind to someone, and that was the encapsulation of the effect of Jesus in people’s lives. I didn’t understand what having Jesus in your life could really mean because at that point, I only knew about the man from Galilee; I didn’t have a deep connection with Him. I didn’t realize that the knowledge of Jesus wasn’t supposed to be just an add-on to your life; it was supposed to shift your very perception of what life is.
So, there I was, with the same youth group I had left three years prior. Now, traveling with them, and seeing the impact that hope has given on people. I would be confronted again and again of how the Gospel changed not only my teammates’ lives through the testimonies that they shared, but also through the people that we met, who, with tears in their eyes, would decide to follow Jesus. I witnessed how, in the act of choosing Jesus, their countenance changed to one filled with peace. Again, I would see what I could not understand.
That was, until I spoke to this little girl from Belize.
All my life, I had known about what is referred to as “the gospel.”
I knew the bullet points:
- We were created to be with God.
- We chose to separate from God by disobeying Him.
- Separation from the God of Life = Death.
- God loved us so much that He found a way to reunite us.
- Jesus is the Son of God.
- Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life; the only way back to God is through Him.
- Jesus paid the price of our disobedience by dying on the cross.
- Jesus defeated death and rose from the grave three days later.
- Afterward, Jesus went to heaven so that the Holy Spirit would be sent down to guide and help us.
- Someday Jesus will come back and bring complete peace to the world.
It was only after that conversation that I realized the depth of the “Good News.”
Because I was talking with a child, I tried to simplify the gospel in a way that she would best understand it. This is when the words flowed out of me.
“Jesus just wants to be your friend. He wants to be there for you when you need him. He wants to spend time with you because He loves you. All you have to do is take a step towards him, and He will carry you to where you need to be. He wants to be your best friend.”
As I talk to this girl, for the first time, I fully understood Jesus. It just clicked into place like a puzzle piece I hadn’t even realized I was missing. All of the times that I had felt rejected, comparing what I did not have to those that did, I had never actually taken a step towards Him. I never told Jesus that I wanted a relationship with Him as much as He wanted one with me.
Suddenly, the glass wall that I felt separated my experience from others transformed into a door I could open if I reciprocated the step that Jesus took towards me when He died on the cross.
I could finally belong.
So, that’s what I did: I took a step.
I chose to follow Jesus.
And every day since then.
There is a fullness that seems to deepen every day.
I took a step when I chose to give up pornography–letting him fill the empty parts of myself and allowing myself to hear him speak words of worth over me.
I took a step when I chose to be vulnerable with him. I spoke to him about the pains of my heart. Asking for help.
I took a step when I chose to trust him. Choosing the college I felt he wanted me to attend.
I then realized that I did not want to just take steps towards him. Steps are good. Steps are needed. But without momentum, it always felt like I was taking three steps forward, and two steps back. That’s when I decided I wanted to run as fast as I could towards him. Only when I fully surrendered my life to Him did my eyes open to what life with Him was really like. What falling in love with him was really like. There is a fullness that seems to deepen every day. At 12 years old, when I was alone and dejected, I could never have imagined how much He loved me. He didn’t abandon me. He was waiting on the other side of the door. Praying that I would give him a chance to say all the things He had always wanted me to hear. Encouragement about my worth. Filling me with purpose. Leading me into what peace really feels like. Making my life a joy.
So now I have a question for you.
Have you ever wondered why life is filled with so much pain? Why does it seem like more and more the world is falling apart, and it feels like your life is drowning, except for the small moments of happiness in which you can breathe before you are plunged back into struggling? Are you tired of the cycle of discontent?
If you could find healing, would you? To truly find out who you are?
God created you to:
be loved.
feel joy.
have peace.
The cost of sin is death. In this life and eternally.
These things were stolen when we tried to live without God. Life separated from God is only a pale imitation of what we were meant to have with Him.
This is because we were created to have a relationship with the One who loves us most.
It says in the Bible -which is stated to be God-breathed, in which the authors were led by the Holy Spirit (2 Timothy 3:16)- that we were knitted in our mother’s womb by God, and no one knows us as well as our creator. He “know[s] when [you] sit down or stand up. [He] know[s] [your] thoughts even when [you are] far away. Psalm 139.
He knows all your mistakes and has felt the pain of your separation, but still loves you.
That’s what sin is. Separation. Anything that pulls you away from God is a sin.
All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 5)
The cost of sin is death. In this life and eternally.
God is righteous and perfect, but He is also merciful. He knows and understands what you have experienced. That is why he sent Jesus. A person who lived and loved so powerfully that he chose to die so that we could experience freedom from the pain we were born into and destined to carry into death.
Jesus can make you righteous, whole, and complete.
This is more than good actions; Jesus changes the heart. Jesus is the only one who can make you righteous and clean before God. Yes, there is sacrifice. But what you gain is by far worth it. Plus, God is a father who wants to help us. This means that the more we ask for help, the more he provides it.
There is no way we could earn his love.
It is given freely.
There is no way we can save ourselves,
We have to rely on him.
He is the answer that you have been searching for.
If you want to receive what Jesus is offering to you.
All you have to do is tell Jesus that you have chosen to follow Him.That you believe that He is the Son of God, that He loves you, and that He died and rose again for the forgiveness of your sins. Ask for forgiveness for all that you have done. Invite Jesus into your life. Ask the Holy Spirit to help and guide you.
Remember.
You aren’t just taking a step TOWARDS someone.
You are taking a step WITH someone.
Whether or not you have asked Jesus to be the Lord of your life, I want to encourage you to read the Gospel of John in the same way I asked you earlier before reading this essay. If a certain part sticks with you, or is highlighted to you, sit on it. Don’t rush. Think about it. If you are confused or don’t understand, ask the Holy Spirit to help you.